TALAAQ,  Khul'a, or DIVORCE

 

"Of all things permitted by law, Divorce is the most hateful in the sight of Allah";

 

Sex  is a must for all living things. Any living being deprived of sex, will not be a complete being. For example, take the trees; during the time of Rasool (s.a.w), the Arabians used to cross-pollinate the date palm trees. When Rasool (s.a.w) heard about it, he said “why don’t  you stop this practice?”- That year, the yield was very poor. Rasool (s.a.w) enquired again, “why is the yield this year so poor?” ,and the Sahaabs told him that they used to do the cross-pollination; this year, since Rasool (s.a.w) objected to it, they stopped it and that was the reason for the poor yield. On hearing this, Rasool (s.a.w) said “these are worldly matters. You have better knowledge than me, so continue doing what you did. In religious matters, do not contradict me but in worldly matters, you seem to be more knowledgeable than me. Also, only when there is sexual satisfaction, a person gets mental maturity. That is one of the reasons, Allah (swt) allowed His prophets to have many wives. Sulaiman (a.s) had 900 wives. Rasool (s.a.w) had 13 wives, and the kings were allowed harems, and the wealthy were allowed to have sex with the slave women. Each and every man was allowed up to 4 wives. So, invariably, we know that sex is an important factor in life and hence very essential for every living being. We come to know that when the elephant is deprived of its female partner, it becomes mad and so on. Also castrated animals, do not have the power of the fully sexed animals; and in cases of the fishes; if there are only female or male fishes then some of them automatically change sex proving the dire necessity of sex in the lives of living creatures.

 

Rasool (s.a.w) said that the ones who do not marry, do not belong to us. Meaning to say that those who abstain from marriage are not fully human beings; there is something drastically wrong with them. Allah also says that the monasteries are their own invention and not authorized by Allah (s.w.t).

 

Then in their wake We followed them up with (others of) Our apostles: We sent after them Jesus the son of Mary and bestowed on him the Gospel; and We ordained in the hearts of those who followed him Compassion and Mercy.  But the monasticism which they invented for themselves We did not prescribe for them: (We commanded) only the seeking for the Good pleasure of Allah; but that they did not foster as they should have done.  Yet We bestowed on those among them who believed their (due) reward but many of them are rebellious transgressors.
Quran-57:27

 

 

 

'Do not overburden yourselves, lest you perish. People [before you] overburdened themselves and perished. Their remains are found in hermitages and monasteries'
(Musnad of Abu Ya'la).

 

And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.

 

Quran – 4:4

 

But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower take not the least bit of it back: would ye take it by slander and a manifest wrong?

 

Quran – 4:20

 

Ali (r.a) narrates: Once the Holy Prophet (s.a.w) and his Companions passed the tribe of Bani Zariq. He heard singing sounds and music. What is this? he inquired. People replied: Messenger of God, the Nikah of such and such [person is being conducted]. His religiosity now reaches the zenith said the Prophet (s.a.w).  This is the prescribed way of Nikah. Neither adultery nor secret marriage is allowed until one hears the sound of the Daff or watches the smoke rising. Husayn said: I was also informed by Amr Ibn Yahya Al-Mazani that the Prophet would disapprove of secret marriage [and would not accept it] until the Daff was played.
(Bayhaqi, No: 14477)

 

 

 

Here we see that marriage is an institution, where one’s  religion reaches the highest peak,  because with sexual satisfaction, one gets mental contentment and fulfillment of the baser elements in life, hence it becomes much more easier for higher elevated thoughts.

 

 

 

Though, Allah encourages sex to such an extent, He has also made it legal by marriage - and marriage is a commitment unlike the Christians not for life. Allah gives the option that marriage is an institution of happiness meant for each other’s pleasure and satisfaction. If either of them is not satisfied, they are at their freedom to call for Talaaq or Khul’a.  Islam does not mention anywhere in the Quran, or the Hadees,  say anything about giving a valid reason, or giving any reason for their Talaaq, or Khul’a, only important thing here is that they should fear Allah(swt) before uttering Talaaq or asking for Khul’a.  Khul’a differs very much from Talaaq. Khul’a is the means by which the wife seeks divorce from the husband. The law is very very lenient towards the woman. As long as Khul’a is concerned, the women will have to return the Mahr the husband paid them at the time of marriage or in marriage with them. Unlike Talaaq, it is not said thrice; just once will do. The waiting period also is just one menses period.   After Khul’a, if she has her menses, then she is clear to go for the next marriage with a man of her choice; but in the case of man when he says Talaaq, the waiting period is three months or three menses period (in case of the husband’s death, the Iddah would then be four months and ten days)  – Allah somehow wants the man to reconsider the situation and take back the women as his wife that is the main reason for delaying the Iddah for such a long period, and in case of death Allah(swt) wants us to confirm as to the pregnancy of the women concerned and also give her enough time to re-coup or recover her loss.

 

Whereas in Talaaq, it has to be said, when the women is clear of her menses on three different occasions and the Muslim world has completely misunderstood and distorted this TALAAQ.  For example, people today ignorantly mention three Talaaqs at the same time. This is totally unIslamic and not as how Allah has ordained it for us; and what more!  they make it a big joke - In many places in India and other places, after saying these three Talaaqs in one instance, they go and marry that woman after her Iddah period to an impotent man or a very old man, who cannot have sex with her and force him to say Talaaq the next day so that after her Iddah once again, the former husband can marry her again. Allah says in the Quran, “Do not make my laws a plaything or jest.”

 

We only send the Apostles to give glad tidings and to give warnings: but the Unbelievers dispute with vain argument in order therewith to weaken the truth and they treat My Signs as a jest as also the fact that they are warned!
Quran – 18:56

 

 

 

On the other hand, what Allah actually means is that when you say the first Talaaq, even if you say it a thousand times before she sits for Iddah (waiting period), it is counted as just one Talaaq. After she begins her Iddah, in case the husband or the wife wants to make up with each other and continue as husband and wife, Islam allows it completely. They can continue their normal life as usual. If not, she could finish her Iddah and there is no necessity for three Talaaqs to be said. If after the first Talaaq, she or her husband does not want to continue their married life with one another, they might as well, by all means, discontinue the marriage and marry the one of their choice and live contently with any one they choose, and without harassing, irritating, or annoying their former partners  unnecessarily.  In other words Talaaq, or Khul’a is a blessing in disguise, and gives an easy exit from their married life, if not for this, the tension, stress, strain and pain would keep increasing and be a torment to the partners and they would never find a way to get out of their treachery and perversions making life a dreadful   misery and most miserable torture.  

 

O Prophet! when ye do divorce women divorce them at their prescribed periods and count (accurately) their prescribed periods: and fear Allah your Lord: and turn them not out of their houses nor shall they (themselves) leave except in case they are guilty of some open lewdness.  Those are limits set by Allah: and any who transgresses the limits of Allah does verily wrong his (own) soul: thou knowest not if perchance Allah will bring about thereafter some new situation.
Quran – 65:1

 

But if they disagree (and must part) Allah will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty: for Allah is He that careth for all and is Wise.
Quran – 4:130

 

 

 

But, in case they want to join and continue their lives normally as husband and wife,  and it so happens that the husband is displeased with her once again and he says Talaaq the second time, how many ever times he says Talaaq also, it would be considered only as his second Talaaq. After she sits for Iddah the second time and  once again they have their freedom to either join up with each other and continue their normal life or end the Iddah period and get married to each other once again or they can end their marriage there itself and go ahead with their choice to marry the one of their choice and start a new life after she finishes her Iddah.

 

A divorce is only permissible twice: after that the parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness.  It is not lawful for you (men) to take back any of your gifts (from your wives) except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah.  If ye (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah there is no blame on either of them if she give something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them.  If any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah such persons wrong (themselves as well as others).

 

            So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably) he cannot after that remarry her until after she has married another husband and he has divorced her.  In that case there is no blame on either of them if they reunite provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah.  Such are the limits ordained by Allah which He makes plain to those who understand.
           

 

When ye divorce women and they fulfil the term of their (`Iddaht) either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; but do not take them back to injure them or to take undue advantage; if anyone does that He wrongs his own soul.  Do not treat Allah's Signs as a jest but solemnly rehearse Allah's favors on you and the fact that He sent down to you the Book and Wisdom for your instruction.  And fear Allah and know that Allah is well acquainted with all things.
Quran – 2:229,230,231

 

 

 

But, if they want to join and live their lives together once again, then it is once again allowed for them. Then again, if the husband is dissatisfied with her or for some reasons want to end the marriage, then he says the Talaaq for the third time. This time, she has to complete her Iddah and then she would not be able to marry her previous husband again, but she will have to marry a man of her choice, live with him completely, and after his death or after him divorcing her, she could marry the former husband again, not otherwise; never. Of all the halaal things that Allah has ordained for us, Allah is most displeased with Talaaq though it is halaal – there is a hadith which states that Allah’s Throne shudders when someone says Talaaq. Here, I would like to point out that, to say Talaaq or to ask for Khul’a, one need not give any excuses or reasons whatsoever for, marriage is a life of understanding and compromises. If either cannot do this, they are welcome to separate and go their individual way that they choose. There is no necessity whatsoever to give any excuses for their Talaaq or their Khul’a. Asking for excuses only complicates matters and then again there are chances of fabrication and concocted stories to satisfy people and hence; Allah does not give a chance for this.

 

He has chosen you and has imposed no difficulties on you in religion (God has made things easy for you);

 

Quran – 22:78

 

What I am trying to point out is, there is no necessity for a person to say three Talaaqs at the same time, one  might as well just say one Talaaq and finish the marriage totally and completely provided the woman finishes her Iddah and marries the man of her choice; also the man could go and marry the woman of his choice – so being the case, what is the necessity for the three Talaaqs at the same time;  No!  Allah(s.w.t) did not mean it to be that way, He wanted to prolong the Talaaq time to give the maximum time for reconciliation and only then effect the Talaaq, so it has to be Talaaq  at three different times or occassions.  Allah specifically says in the Quran that when the first Talaaq is stated and the woman starts her Iddah but if the husband or wife wants to make up or compromise with each other;  well and good, they can go ahead and start a new life as husband and wife,  and if any untoward incidence takes place and the husband says Talaaq a second time, then again she starts her Iddah a second time, and she can complete her Iddah or break it in-between if they want to compromise again and start anew as husband and wife they are more than welcome to do so. It is only the third time that the Talaaq becomes irrevocable  and then she has to finish her Iddah and then marry a different man of her choice and live with him fully and then in case of his death or he divorcing her or she asking Khul’a, only then she can once again marry the first husband.

 

On the other hand, if a man could say the three Talaaqs at one instance, then it would be like the women asking for Khul’a, just state it once and the entire marriage is finished and done away with – but since Talaaq was meant to be given on three different occasions; Allah(s.w.t) states that after each Talaaq there is an Iddah.   

 

So it is crystal clear that the Talaaq which Allah prescribed for the Muslims is for three different occasions and these three Talaaqs could never be stated at just one time; even if they do so, then it would only amount to just one Talaaq and as the world takes it today as three Talaaqs is totally false and unIslamic and it could never be said at one time.

 

May Allah help us to understand His Religion in a Most Crystal Clear manner and may He also help us to implement it with utmost ease and comfort and be members of the Highest Paradise and May He help us to reach the same with UTMOST EASE AND COMFORT (aameen).

 

Wishing you ALL THE VERY BEST
A.H.Nazeer Ahmed.